Identifying the physical reactions in your body that are tied to anxiety or stress is key to diminishing the chaos swirling within your body. When I start getting upset with someone, or a situation, it’s because they did something that hit me wrong. If something shocks you, upsets you, angers you, worries you, scares you… the longer it’s allowed to manifest in your mind and get playback reviews over and over until you’re sick – you have to get to the root of it. If you don’t understand why, you can’t process it or justify it so that you can move on and preserve your health.
So what are the things that I value and need? By identifying them through the reflection exercise, you can determine what value was breached to make your body say, WTH was that?
I’m sharing my discovery of personal values. I’m giving them my own “Heather definition” so that I have a cheat sheet of where the pain points will hit to get my blood pressure rocketing.
My Values in My Words
I listen to people. I try to gather and Remember details. Try to pick out unique things that make them stand out to me. Showing generosity towards others could be as easy as remembering something that is happening in their life and asking them for an update to see them light up and talk about it. Stumbling across something you know they would enjoy or appreciate and getting it for them. Taking time to help them with something they need. Paying them compliments for no reason. I think generosity’s core point is that there is truly nothing expected in return. There’s so many ways to impact someone else’s life and it could be as simple as words or time. Generosity and being genuine feel the same to me.
Love, Inspiration, motivation, joy, laughter and happiness. I want to provide mentorship to others and help everyone see the possibilities out there. I want people to experience what it’s like to be over abundant in grace, education and enjoyment. I want that balance so much for myself too. It’s easy to forget sometimes.
I can be me / you can be you –
What makes us react or engage as humans? Emotion. The whole spectrum of emotion. And although the deeper the joy the deeper the sorrow – the spectrum grows as the experiences expand. I whole heartedly believe in every inch of my core that every person in this whole world deserves to love and be loved in return. I absolutely believe that each and every one of us has a story, a purpose, a beginning, an end and a potential. What we do with that is our choice. We can be weeds or flowers. Those of us who have love and live it may be the ones who defend our country to preserve our freedom but rarely would they ever be the ones who create the wars to begin with.
Think of the strength we all as one could have if we realize – whether nature or nurture – every individual is beautifully designed to be who they are and loved regardless of similarity or difference and respected with our utmost humility and grace. What would our world look like?
I’m not perfect. I’m a flawed up mother flawer. But oh how I want to be who I am and not be tormented to conform to groups for acceptance. I can’t even begin to imagine how the people who are more away from the “norm” spectrum (whatever that is) must feel on the day to day.
There’s this show I recently saw on Netflix called 9 Months That Made You by PBS and I thought, if everyone could watch this at least it could create some type of sympathy. Maybe not empathy, but sympathy and understanding if at nothing else to explain different ways we can be born with gender differences.
I understand that if you have ear holes and neck tattoos and purple hair you may have to enhance your message/brand to overcome much greater barriers in your world but I hope one day the judgements will lower their walls and see grace before race. Grace before face, place, etc. Accept me for who I am and everyone else too.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had times where I had to be where I was told for long periods of time or just that I loathe micro management in so many different ways. If I have a leader overseeing what I should be doing and we’ve fully discussed the vision which I understand and communicated that we both understand – than that’s it. I’ll check in and show how I’ve moving it down the success pipe. Why is this so hard to ask? I will make the needle move and have trust that my leader knows. If side colleagues eff around and or ask what I’m doing. I don’t know what to say to them.
No one in my way –
I do admit I enjoy healthy debate. When you trust that the other person is really wanting to find a solution and not trying to just simply win – a fun discussion can educate you all. But when you feel like people are truly against you, wanting you to stop and change – it can pull the wind out of your sails fast. When people are simply motivated to stop me with no other angle than to change the outcome it can stop me from moving forward. I know I am not perfect and will make mistakes but I like to believe my intentions are always to make life positive for others. To make a difference in the world.
Being a mentor –
I have several stories where being a mentor filled my heart and taught me that maybe I am on to something. If something I do can actually help other people while helping me learn more and fine tune to get even more effective while making us all feel positive results – how can this get better yet?
Adding value –
I want to know that what I do adds value. To people, places or things. Otherwise – why try? Why sacrifice? Why give yourself beyond the basic expectation? This is for my family, my children, my work and the world. If I am not making life better and making others’ lives better than what I am trying to do is not worth it.
I totally had an AHA moment last weekend at the zoo. These exercises made me see it.
Kicking butt and taking names –
I love conquering projects. Leading the new path. Trailblazing past the normal and making a new possible. That moment you see eyes perk, mouths turn up and minds open to the possibility of what we can do. Inspiration and perspiration. That’s the good stuff.
God Moments / having a purpose –
I had a couple moments in my younger life where I truly thought “this is it, I’m going to die”. Things as a young teen that no one should ever experience. During those times, and in those moments I know I can say I had clarity and assurance that this will pass and I will be strong. This could be covered under the stories of knowing God moments and how to recognize what they were. But how do I explain the ones beforehand where I was just a typical kid with a happy life and no understanding of what was to come? Living in my “silence” days? I’ve decided I’m special just like everyone else. I just happened to be aware and identified the experiences when I could not explain them and prayed everyone can have them too. It makes the tougher times so much more understood when you’re dealing with them.
I can tell you in detail all of them – from my first memory at 5 to the 11 – 19 yr old ones and those thru adulthood. But the point is not to have a novel – but an explanation of why this matters. I know my purpose. Yet I don’t know my purpose. I know as a young child I had God moments that told me I had a big purpose. So big I wouldn’t understand yet. But it was big. It was awesome. And I remember the very days in time they occurred. And when the ones happened that were way bad and scary, I was able to remember the early ones to know that it was going to be ok whether I made it thru or not but that it would not be my own doing if it didn’t.
I believe the darkest days were to make me empathetic with others as I grew. Who knew at 21 I’d be counseling abused teen girls at a state facility about being a survivor and not a victim? Who knew my past that made no sense would be the validation to convince them to move on and grow? There have been way too many moments, unexplained coincidences, timely interventions and perfectly orchestrated days to not whole heartedly agree that there is God and my purpose is bigger than I currently have the capability to comprehend. It is this that makes me know, when all human abilities I have to cope and tolerate others, I will keep trying, moving, shaking and creating regardless of my current anguish or disappointments in others.
I was at a young professionals event last week (as an advisor!) with 25-30 yr olds talking about still not knowing what they were to be when they grew up. They were saying that growing up and realizing your career isn’t automatic. I felt weird. I’ve known I wanted to be a creative advertiser my entire life. I was just creative in how I got there based on location, industry and demand. I questioned in my 20s why I spent so much on classes that I didn’t feel were worth it, but I didn’t question my path. So I sympathize with them and am glad they are finding a network to talk about it.
Transparency and Authenticity –
I will tell you that honesty and integrity in what you say and do will go MILES with me. No one is perfect. Shit happens. The best intentions can go amuck minus a hundred. But don’t be that wolf boy who cries and no one trusts him. If you don’t think you are 100% capable of providing the outcome you vocally said you will do – then don’t flipping say it. Period. And if you are 100% sure at the time you commit to something and things change – then communicate it transparently immediately. Don’t blow it off. Don’t make excuses. Don’t hope everyone forgets you said it.
Do it. Just like Shia Lebouf says.
LOL. Dude’s right though.
Seriously. I’ve said I’d be somewhere. Do something. Create something. And there’s that 10-15% chance that something happens to prevent my deadline from occurring. Or a conflict arises to keep me from attending. I address it head on. I call. I confront. I contact. I explain, without “excuses” what happened to prevent me from achieving what I said and offering a plan B, C or D to make sure something still happens. I have adopted Meghan Trainor’s “NO” for keeping it real in over committing, but I still honor what I say and don’t crap on people or stick anyone with picking up my BS for me.
This really is fuel for the soul. I love to laugh. And laugh hard. If I get a deep belly laugh that prevents me from making noise (or hear others achieving this) I thank whoever helped make it happen. Seriously. Seriously funny. Oxymoron I know. But have you ever realized how many times you politely chuckle or smile to appease others? That falls into the generosity category I know and its fine but I want to genuinely laugh my ass off every day. I want to say or do things that make others do the same. In this laughable area you can be the giver or the receiver and still love it. Sometimes I enjoy the mystery of who will cause the next “holy crap that happened” moment of hilarity.
(I almost feel like this one is the result of what I can have when all the others noted above actually happen!) Metaphorically, when your mind is quiet from the negative. You feel calm, you notice your surroundings and take in the awe of our world. There’s no drama. No second guessing. No to-do list overstimulating your mind so you can’t relax. No replaying in your mind stressful situations and what you should’ve, would’ve, could’ve done. You’re free of any negative emotions as you try to determine someone’s motivation to act the way they do or choose the way they treat others. You aren’t so worked up inside that you can’t focus on the joy in your life. Your tongue isn’t tightly pressed against the roof of your mouth. Your thoughts don’t keep reeling and reeling, sometimes yelling at imaginary encounters intended to get you to process through it and ultimately let it go to get back to the place of peace and calm. Finding that silence – that quiet peace that allows you to reflect. There’s no drama. You can clearly see the beauty in others and everything around you and feel hope without any tension or fighting.
You’re just good. Ready to create. Ready to explore. Ready to enjoy.
I know when I haven’t been able to have that in a long time, everything and everyone one around me suffers by not getting the true me.
What are your values that cause physical stress when messed with?
Thanks for reading!