Could it really be, Letting things find you?
Today I had lunch and an office tour from a newer friend I’ve met through networking life and I enjoyed our stories that go beyond ‘strategic plans or initiatives’
I learned about her complex feelings she discovered when realizing truths about her adopted father’s past and relatives and how it caused vulnerabilities in reconnecting with family that aren’t actually biological after all, yet all she knows, and how you define family.
It was beautiful and I enjoyed her telling me the story.
In fact, we both discussed the common threads that made us enjoy one another – we love telling and hearing stories as much as encouraging others to tell us theirs.
We talked again on a deeper level about how you don’t even realize the responsibility that comes with having that open gate with others – that you share moments with others and what you take away is different than what they take away and you really don’t realize the impact you/they/we have on one another.
She mentioned the ripple effect and I agree.
We both rattled off an example each of how a moment we don’t even really recall while with another person became something for them that recharged their paths.
Let me explain.
My share was that yesterday I was filled with a ripple wave of gratitude and grace when a colleague I’ve known for years shared a truth that included something I said…
Somehow, years ago, she allowed a lack of a college degree to make her feel unfit for the working group and hesitant to ask questions that may be considered “dumb questions”.
Apparently, I jumped right in and assured her that there was no such thing and life experience and work experience qualifies you to be worthy of that room and to carry on as such.
Now granted, I don’t know what the exact words were I said or how I quickly did that, this was the summarized gist that caused the emotional wave of tearing up and sharing something that others felt your words to.
People can feel your words and those feelings cause connection and action, and you may not even realize it.
She then shared her story after we both teared up hearing mine as it touched me so greatly. I had no idea that had that effect even years later as we continue to be work friends.
She went on to share one she had about when she was a child, she had a relative that raised and collected turtles. Lots of them. Many species.
She had a friend she introduced to the aquariums and collections and they took her to an amphibian show that day.
Perhaps it was a morning or an afternoon – it was just a part of day – and now, many years later, she found out that not only did her friend get a turtle she made her pet all through school, was in her wedding, and now her own child has picked out her very own turtle because of that one day as childhood friends.
She had no idea that her foggy memory of showing a friend turtles would alter her life in such a positive way via lifelong and generational turtle love.
You never know how your words change or impact someone elses’ and vice versa – it’s a ripple effect. It’s turtles all the way down.
We then went on to share stories of the other side of it – how we carry negative feelings, shame, or embarrassment because we remember something in our past that others were around to experience too and the way we remember it actually hinders our confidence in being around them.
Isn’t it fascinating that you may think you were bad, or wrong, because your internal reflection on a moment in time was not your shining moments – yet because you don’t talk about it – those you see as witnesses may have a totally different memory bank or vantage point of what it even was, if anything.
Her example was spot on. As a child, she had a friend who’s family took her on vacation and for whatever reason, there was a grandmother who loathed her.
Maybe she was seven?
Just disgusted with her, mean, rude, etc. Either way, they took her to a beach vacation and ole grandma came too.
She still had times of enjoyment during the trip and was absolutely fascinated with shells and spent the week collecting them. By the end of the week she had a small box and she was very excited to take them home.
The box was no where to be found. She left so sad that her shells literally disappeared and were gone, never to be found.
Fast forward 25 years. She reconnected with her old dear friend and had a weekend getaway with her and her mom.
Her friend’s mom – which I guess I didn’t ask if this was the daughter or daughter-in-law of this mean grandmother at the time, had some drinks in her and began sobbing of a deep seeded regret she carried all those years.
She confessed to her that the grandmother took the sweet little girl’s shell collection with no real reason other than to obviously confirm her thought that this lady loathed her for some reason.
It was just some shells. It was ok. She forgot all about it. Yet, this poor mom carried that heavy weight for 25 years!
She let her be free of it and assured her it was ok and finally knew the truth. She took her shells.
Crazy, right?
I didn’t really share my specific ones I carry, other than introducing that concept because I still do it. Makes me rethink that now.
I still avoid people I cared about in my past because of what I remember the past was and don’t really need reinforcing stories of what mistakes and embarrassing things happened that will never be repeated as long as I shall live.
Stupid kid and teen stuff that I’ve made peace with myself however would rather just move on and not want any reminders.
Is that right to feel that way? I really don’t know.
I’ve had too many people reach out over the years for positive stuff I have no memory of doing to only assume whatever I think was awful 35 years ago may not have been.
And how many people are out there avoiding me because I may have seen them in a not so bright light at the time however have absolutely no ill-will what so ever or not even remember?
Ripples and turtles.
The next part is exploring as vulnerable people what types of activities or new waves of experiences will make us better, happier, healthier?
I know I’ve been trying find purpose through repurposing. I can’t explain it but doing artful things with forgotten treasures somehow relaxes me in a stressful go go go go life to earn income to sustain our living.
Summary of these thoughts:
When you learn to be comfortable in your own God given body suit, you tend to really have a positive effect on allowing others to embrace theirs and get cozy with it.
What you remember over time warps and evolves and the only way you’ll know how the past perceives you now is up to you. You are always evolving and hopefully growing and improving so that you can figure out why you’re here in the first place.
And my last one is that it’s worth finding what brings your inner you and you connect together at a peaceful place will make your energy keep rippling and overflowing to others who may just need you at that moment to help them learn more about themselves, turtles and all.
We’re not for everyone, yet everyone seeks a friend to be true. Even if it’s just through words.
Who, what, how will you make waves?
Thanks for reading.
Hugs and stuff,
Heather
