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Reality vs. Really Good TV plus How the Bachelor Could be Better

By February 21, 2019 Food for thought

There’s TV shows you can’t really double or triple screen with because you have to watch it. You might miss something. And you don’t want to miss something. You know, Game of Thrones, This is Us and Schitt’s Creek to name a few.

Sure, you might play a quick round of Words2, text someone back or check some snaps but generally, you watch them scene to scene.

Then there’s the ones you kinda watch. Like, you can have them on-demand while you’re cooking dinner, or on your iPad while you’re working on your computer. You hear just enough and look up just enough to get the gist of what’s going on to hold your own if you talk to someone about it who also watches it.

AHS is like that for me because the violence is too gruesome for but the script writing, directing and acting is phenomenal. I look away and listen most of the time, except for those amazing long validation speeches by the latest character season. I can only assume that when you spend enough years working alongside Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, mother-truckin’ Frances Convoy, Angela Bassett…that’s not even the half of classic actors on the show. Check out all the names here. I forgot how many there were until writing this.  Anyway the entire gifted greener cast like Gaga, Evan Peters, the hilariously bad Leslie Grossman… become amazing even faster. At least that’s what I would assume. You’re among legends. Shameless is the same way, only it’s all the nudity that bothers me there.

And then there’s reality TV. You can multitask while they’re on. Like crime shows, documentaries, HGTV, the Bachelor (wait for it)…

Here’s why. House Hunters requires about 7-10 minutes of “need it content” to be able to have a personal choice for which one you’d pick. Other than that, its amateur attempts of restaging the house tours you know they didn’t pick, but they have to pretend it’s the first time seeing it again  to keep the suspense. But why don’t they film the first time for genuine versus expecting a normal Joe to act?? It’s how they produce it to ensure a full episode happens. I was almost on the show once and went through the app process – but that’s another story. 

You accept the 23 minutes of ads and adlibs waste time because you like learning about properties and which one you’d pick. They have time slots to fill. Then you either watch episodes that make you appreciate your house and what you paid for it and there’s episodes where you dream that one day you would love that Beachfront Bargain Hunt.

The rest of the 30 minutes is commercials, quizzes before the commercials, and uncomfortable fodder about whether the tub is big enough to sit in. If it’s got carpet or not. Hahaha. No.

But let me talk about why I even mentioned the Bachelor. I’ve watched three seasons of it now. Which is painful to admit. But it really only is because of the mockery of it that I appreciate it. A few ladies from work do the bracket game, where you have to eliminate your picks prior to the episode starting to see who gets the rose. Each week the brackets shrink, the exes go through the headshots and you whiddle it down with a hilarious 200+ texts of  group slam and slander on how dumb or funny or genuine scenes are. But here’s three reasons why I am on the fence about continuing because I enjoy the girl time but the show is awful for humanity and should have major changes to bring it back to the light hearted fun of dating on TV.

  1. QUIT Getting So Physical. STAHHHHHHHHHHP.

I am not denying that there have been successful marriages from this show – or so they appear to be on social media. I hope they are though. I do not know how any relationship can get into the secure safe zone after being on that show and what you went through to get there.

When I first met my husband, I was instantly drawn to him and that draw ended up never being broken with anyone else. And it never will be. That’s not old fashioned. That’s the love I hope every single human being could have because I believe it would make the world a much better place.

If I was in the pool of 24 or I was the one doing all the choosing – why do you have to make out all the time as a way to decide if you like them? It’s like this:

I won the card to have a one-on-one moment alone to get to know one another. I tell you something traumatic that happened to me in my life so it’s very awkward and forced. Then they make out. Then someone interrupts them because they want alone time now.

And all of you live in the same house together and try to be friends when you are all making out with him every second you get and finding ways to show him why the other girl isn’t serious enough, stable enough, or did something that wasn’t cool to the other girls. Drama filled vantage point interviews to follow.

You basically start off with 15 minute private bench meetings (always staged in random places with pillows and tables and lighting of course) And it’s just making out and sharing stuff way too early that is about your past and you haven’t even made a connection yet. Like,

“Hi. I’m Amber. I work in marketing and I’m 26 and my brother died in a tragic fire when I was six. Wanna French kiss? ”

“Hi. I’m Jessica. I was wearing the shark costume when I introduced myself to you. My mom has cancer and I had a physically abusive relationship when I was in college. Taste my new chapstick.”

I gotta admit though – my FAVORITE- make out session was when the one little pistol of a blonde and was loose cannon in the group, told him her too-soon-maybe-after-a-few-real-dates story about how her mom finally got out of jail and showed him her sweet macrame purse one of her mom’s cell mates made for her. Hands down favorite.

How can anyone in that show be serious or fall in love? Why can’t they have all the drama, stories and yes, drama but without all the making out – and even sleeping together. They do “over nights” with the three finalists before he makes his final decision of the top two. Could you imagine? Knowing you are one of three women being slept with and then you might be last place. W. T. F.

Even if I was picked. So what? If you really loves me you wouldn’t have slept with two other women and asked their dads on the “home town” episodes if you could have their permission to propose – you know – IF you pick her after sleeping with her.

Explain to me how that is acceptable for people to think this is reality. This is acceptable in fostering healthy, monogamous relationships that won’t have jealousy or insecurity at its foundation.

And let’s say there is true love – then how can you let him or her continue on making out for every scene and then sleeping with your other top picks for the sake of the show’s audience.

Either way. It sucks.

  1. How Does This Show Stay Under the Radar of Media Whistleblowers?

When you have celebrities supporting the show from sponsored movie promotions during their breaks to hosting them on your talk shows to tweeting among the live shows or even sitting in the audience of the after shows – the Jimmy Kimmels and every ABC show of actors endorse the show’s success. How is that consistent? If we are trying to foster a hypersensitive judge and jury system of any and all sexual advances for the overall empowerment of the female gender, how can we say thinking this physical tirade with superficial arguments and rampant jealousy with sabotage are teaching our future generations what love really means?

I guess my question to all these hypocritical action committee members is are you going to have your daughter go on the show? Are you going to be on the cover of People Magazine with the headline, “I Hope My Daughter Makes the Top 3”. With a byline that states Jimmy Kimmel opens up about his Man Show memories and how he is looking forward to meeting the Bachelor

Stop condoning the dysfunction. A gentleman wouldn’t do that to women. Kissing should be rare later on in the show, not expected within 5 minutes.

  1. Positive Idea! Mix up the Show’s Predictable Timeline

Remove all the physical and replace it with a new rule. If they know who they want before the timeline of elimination allows, let them pull the drama meter button and say I’m ready now and let them announce who they want to be exclusive with for the remainder of the evaluation season. Use the rest of the episodes to follow them “reality style” in the early days and throughout the normal 3 months of silence after the taping ends and the shows begin to see how they date each other.

Talk about a new twist! Imagine if right now, with four girls left, he knows he loves Hanna G the most and that’s who he’s picking that he can throw a loop now and the show evolves into three episodes of their transition into their engagement and time with immediate family. I’m sure drama will issue. Will they make it???

And if they don’t, we get more weeks of longer, awkward story telling that lets us get to know these people better, whether it becomes serious or not. I still get a solid season of harmless bracketing and endless group texting humor.

 

What shows do you have to watch? Which shows are your background noise? What’s the worst guilty pleasure show you hate to like?

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