was successfully added to your cart.

Cart

Let’s talk about poop

By February 17, 2020 July 16th, 2020 Heather

There seem to be more game-changers in our life now than any generation before us. Or are there? We still say new inventions are the best thing since sliced bread so maybe every age has game-changers to talk about around the water cooler. Here’s a twist on one game-changer that takes the ewww out of poo.

Let’s forget inventions like flying, driving, television and the internet. Those are world-changers. I’m talking game-changers.

I’m talking about hacks you didn’t know you needed until someone showed it to you or told you about it.

No way, nuh-uh… because it takes a lot these days to get us to look up from our phones and be pleasantly surprised about something.

tell me more…

The most recent that has come to mind is ‘Poo-Pourri’. Once we help our guests and parents understand that you spray the water first and then do your dooties, you’ll never go without it. It is a game-changer I didn’t realize I needed until it was introduced to me.

Now? Less than a year later? I take it everywhere I go.

It’s great news to share with anyone you think would appreciate not having to smell poo anymore. When you get the chance to introduce it for the first time to another human? Oh, man, you feel awesome!!

Yes, ‘Poo-Pourri’ just might be the game-changer catalyst that launches our shizz into a world-changer lifestyle.

Oh, hey – here it goes….

Poo-Pourri in private baths everywhere Costco sells it to.

Let me explain the 3 evolution phases that could make Poo-Pourri the path to being the world-changer or 2020 and beyond – and get us more open to new ways of dealing with the 21,164,377 pounds* of human poop we produce every day as a globe.

(*7.5 billion people X 128 grams of poop per day each – click on the hot poop link above to see the math origin if you want to challenge it. That’s fine. It was a lot of zeros and calculators wouldn’t do it so I had to use middle school math. It was hard.)

Phase 1: We have a way to hide poo smells, not sort of cover them up.

Let’s be forthright here – We don’t like fecal matter. Nope. No doubt. Yuk.

The appearance alone is nothing appeasing to look at even though you can’t resist glancing at it for a sec. before parting ways. But the smell. Yikes. There are all variances of them and yet not one is pleasant. It’s the worst thing we think about as a way of being abusive to someone.

“Eat Sh@t and die!”

I mean, I like chocolate frosting. But if I have to go to a baby shower where they use it to stage poop in a diaper for me to eat… No. Seriously. No. I ain’t doing it. Shame on you.

Pinterest can tell @Craftaholics to knock that sh*t off.
Grab it while it’s hot and steaming.

Whether yours or someone else’s, human feces is the worst memory Rolodex of our minds. We would rather put baggies on our hands to pick up warm, freshly pinched dog poo, carrying it possibly for blocks in search of the public disposal can, than deal with stranger danger brews behind public stall #2.

Not sure isolating each dump via pooper bags is the most economical way, but maybe the plastic dissolves and the dog poo fertilizes the break down of our garbage landfills faster and get bacteria in the water supplies faster.

Who knows.

Still. We’d rather pick up a hundred dog poops in our backyard than come in contact with one human deposit. I can attest to that. Yep Yep Yep.

Started to veer off the path like a dog would, sorry. Poo. Back to Phase poo.

Phase 2: Poo-Pourri goes public

There’s a sliding scale of tolerable disgust poop types, and that’s why I think we have to rethink the poorest of jobs, pay and duties (doodies) – especially now that Poo-Pourri ‘woke’ us into a life of poo smell freedom at home.

If we don’t act now, to go public with this genius solution, we could become buried in it. To our nostrils. Staying divided. And staying home.

It affects tourism.

What would we do if our selfish streaks led to their serious strikes? What would you do for a ceiling of $16 an hour within the expenses of DC commutes? That’s the crap clean up offer we give and deliver the worst vision possible to fix. Daily. At least you can watch Modern Family when you get off your shift and ride the train home.

I already dookied

There are also the careers that require you cleaning up baby poop from time to time, or – to the ones worst of all – the ones cleaning up adult poop and anything else that comes out of someone other than yourself.

Sure, baby puke and poop is not fun and smells awful, but anyone who’s had kids or went into a public mall bathroom on Black Friday – aka Turkey and corn disperse day – has seen and smelled enough to relate to a time worthy of lifting your shirt collar over your nose to prevent smells and microbial germ inhalation while getting it done because there’s no other option. You gots to go and keep your baby clean.

Well, what if this game-changer changed that acceptable behavior aka public bathroom? What if Poo-Pourri existed in 1997?

Would you like white, wheat, rye or sourdough?

I’ll never forget waitressing for a little café during the breakfast shift between dropping my girl off to school and my second shift job possibly interacting with teenagers aggressing on you with their poo.

One morning at the cafe, this average lady, probably in her 50’s, had been in the dated-but-quaint little bathroom for some time. She wasn’t my customer, so I assume she came in specifically to use the little half bath by the entrance door.

She comes out, looking absolutely flustered and horrified, with an amazing exit speed in her step. She made eye contact long enough to say, “I’m sorry” and ran out the door.

What did you do…….

What. The. Hell. Happened to her? How?

Splatters on the walls – like a mentos experiment gone horribly wrong.

Look away, Heather. Look away.

It was even on the hardware of the commode, sink toilet paper holder… ugh. Ugh. Ugh. We took turns until we got it cleaned. It was too much for one human’s gag reflexes. Teamwork makes the dreamwork.

Think of the airport ladies who clean bathrooms. The nurse’s aides at the senior group homes. Daycares. Hospitals and restaurants and movie theaters… the ‘You won’t see me again so who cares’ public places that get the most dumped on and stank on.

Someone has to clean that…….

I see them. I know what people leave behind for menial wage people to get stuck with. I see you both. Like a spectator who leaves it better than I found it. That’s about it. It’s a supply issue, not an intentional issue.

I think cleaning supplies should be available in public bathrooms with it being a crime to take them – they are there for you to take care of yourself.

Here’s where Poo-Pourri comes in. The toilet companies need to figure out a way to automate it after every flush. It helps your poorly paid staff clean up after negligent, helpless people who don’t realize that at least the toilet paper can act as a rag. Too bad there are not Clorox wipes.

Holla

I realize it’s expensive probably, but it doesn’t have to be. Work a deal. You know, negotiate a quid-pro-poo so it can be everywhere people poo. It’s a private mass sale so the public doesn’t have to know. I’ll pay what I pay for that stuff. It’s worth it. Just don’t go higher.

photo credit: @CostcoCouple

That’s level two of earning your way to world-changer. Public places that address the realities of human feces as their worst can now take away the worst part of it at all. The smell.

Sure, we still have the germ aspect to address since we know not all ladies lookout for other ladies even though they say they do. If you leave your excrement mess for the next woman to deal with, you can’t say ‘yeah, me too’ when reading this story. Especially when there’s a line and we saw what you did.

Really.

If we eliminate the smell of what it smells like when people are having a very unfortunate day with their bowels, we start the contortion of a shift in mindset as humans and our relationship with OPS. Other People’s Sh*t.

We connect memories to senses and the more senses you align with it, the more true it becomes. You know, walks like a duck, looks like a duck, talks like a duck…it’s probably a duck.

Well, now, it just looks like sh*t. It doesn’t smell like sh*t.

Why would that matter?

Well, first of all, you’re going to help all those workers who have the most servant, underappreciated, underpaid and vastly needed jobs, especially for those that wish they didn’t have it happen.

Like the lady in the café. She truly was sorry. She didn’t stick around and ask for supplies and take care of her own sh*t, but she did hit a point of hopelessness and sheer panic so I suppose she understood the depth of her negligence she created for us two, underpaid, underappreciated young ladies because that’s what the industry does.

Shame me less over Save her Stress.

So now it’s just vision and touch. If we eliminate the smell factor of public restroom mixing pots of toilet bowls – I haven’t figured out how to eliminate the probability of touch yet, that’s still so disgustingly unfortunate when you get sh*t on yourself, even if it’s your own.

Yo Yo Flushe

The point is, the more we become acceptant of sh*t never going away from our lives yet we no longer have to smell it – ever again – we become closer to finding a humanely appropriate way to recycle it versus creating more dissolving chemicals to make it go away.

Phase 3: World Changer = Polished Terds

We’ve had more than a decade of media spray pepperings regarding people making homes in other countries using cow dung as an additive to the materials. You know, a brick sh*t house.

We didn’t even call Bullsh*t on the claim that it is proven to work since they started publishing posts more than a decade ago of scientific proof that dung is better than clay.

So why not consider using it with human feces to recycle into durable and sustainable housing? It doesn’t have to smell, thanks to Poo-Pourri – so we are more open to considering it possible, so long as we make it not look like poo. Right?

Challenge accepted.

What if one day we end up with poop bags for ourselves? We already have the blue can for recycling, the green can for garbage, aka everything else… what if now we get the third – a brown can – to throw our ‘collections’ in. hahahahaha.

Wanna work with gloves?

That’s putting the cart before the horse a little bit. You know, driving a poop car into the wild west. I wouldn’t want to collect our dumps either.

Let’s just start my theory with beta testing in San Francisco. It’s no secret that this town has the public desperation of homeless saturation, addiction needles and public pooping as acceptable behavior.

It’s a sanctuary city. Seems we all tolerate it. Just like playing public restroom lottery. What’s behind door #6?

Please be clean, please.

Let’s use all that poop to make a study and see if whether or not it’s possible to create solid, sustainable and pretty cool looking homes for the people pooping on the street and help them enroll, get a home, benefits and therapy with the opportunity to get busily distracted by getting paid to scoop sidewalk sh*t to collect it and load the trucks and haul it to the company that produces all of the materials to build the homes and take them to the development that they’re constructing them and they build their own freedom through pride and mentality shifts? One sh*t brick at a time.

My home smells like lavender oils and rehab fab, Bob.

See what happens, right? I mean, what’s going to happen if we don’t try something?

It’s still the United States. Now that we have that game-changer called Poo-Pourri, we’re only a few years away from hopefully not smelling it again thanks to essential oils and we start to see with our eyes that it saved San Francisco, we can have Train write a new version of the song. I miss Train.

We Saved You, San Francisco

It’s better than hearing that in some third world countries they are using poo as an additive to their sewage that also acts as cooking oil for their foods…

WHAT? And we don’t know where the CoronaVirus comes from? Just wait til we see what’s next. Ebola?

Plus, these rehabilitated American citizens once living within the homeless epidemics, can say with absolute truth, “It may be a shit hole, but it’s mine” and looks fantastic.  

The ultimate brick sh*t house.

Thanks for reading,

Heather

PS True story, I was at the new Roosters several miles from town and sure enough – some chick hovered and not only did she clearly leave pee all over the seat – you can tell she held it for so long before coming in because she pressure-washed it out all over the left side of the toilet and floor causing a stream to gather in the newly laid ceramic tile gaps.

Thanks, Peach.

So I gave my waitress a heads up that the cow pisser was in the room and if there are cleaning supplies around, I don’t mind pitching in ’cause she was working her butt off and was hilarious. Worth every penny of an overpaid waitress. So I offered to make her a sign for the bathroom doors that say:

Chick to Hen

Hen to Chick

Clean it up, don’t be a dick.

#DontHover #UsetheWipes

Wouldn’t that be the most effective sign ever?????

Leave a Reply