Do I give in or get back up? Chicken or the egg?
I’ve really been trying to crack my own code. Get out of my head. Practice the repetition needed to recondition my mind to healthier habits while trying to give up the unhealthy ones. I’m digging deep to find ways to relax, reflect the conundrum of whether I create more problems or simply point out theories of why we accept certain things as, well, acceptable. With or without merit.
You know, a little R&R. Rest and Reflect. I figure I may be missing a treadmill here or there, not make my steps for the day and hindering my progress to that ultimate bod, but yet here I am, sitting yet again in front of a screen with my thoughts.
Perhaps it’s just as balanced as an exercise of mental and physical health. Is how I see things the real way to see it or not? Please tell me what you think.
Here’s the case to collect and rationalize my thoughts.
Could faking acceptance expedite the inevitable?
aka. Will buying bullsh*t kill you faster? Or will fighting it? It’s a 50/50 debate that I need to settle in the name of sanity.
Part 1: Conditioning is in the air and heir.
Do you know if you slowly condition parts of your body, that over time you can shape them to fit the mold you want? You can do that with trees, too.
Remember those older stories about bonsai kittens. C’mon.. were they really real? For real? Nuh uh. Anyone know?
What if slow conditioning against what feels natural can happen to your mind, just like your feet?
There’s a reason Chinese waterboarding is used in our daily conversations to reflect the feeling of doing something that will take too long and not be of interest to you. Slow torture. I can only assume sucking donkey dicks or a whole bag of them would be just as damaging to your psyche trauma levels as waterboarding based on conversations.
Why? Would we compare such horrid torture to doing mundane activities you don’t enjoy?
It’s just a consistent trickle of water dripping in rhythm on your forehead for a long time. Apparently it drives even the strongest of minds crazy, just to make it stop they may tell you where the secret treasures are kept.
The painful sound of an inconsolable baby crying is rumored to be left on an infinite loop in solitary prison rooms. Or on your next plane ride.
Here’s the thing. Those examples aren’t basic mind conditioning. They’re extreme examples of forcing dominant change under inimaginable duress. Torture isn’t meant to reshape the mind, it’s destined to break it into slap-the-mat submission. That’s different.
Or is it?
Conditioning the mind, similar to forcing a tree to grow in a shape or forcing your ears to look like this woman’s face isn’t thought of in the same realm of body modification yet it’s all connected to the acceptance of it.
Nice. Ummm, ok.
Even those lovely ladies with giraffe necks that will snap in half if they ever try to live without the tight, heavy brass necklace rings for the rest of her life do so with the feeling of honor and finding a mate.
It’s because they were raised to believe it’s what you do. You must modify the way you look to exceed your societal and/or parental guidance of what attractive is. To avoid some type of pain.
Are they wrong? They seem happy?
I think of a slower mind digression over time as quite possibly my torture called overthinking when your gut feels wrong.
Especially when many opinions I value suggest I knock it off, take the blue pill and chill out.
Yet it’s what keeps me up at night. It tears at my health, my well-being and creeps in way too many times when I don’t even realize it until I realize it’s here in the form of sneaky stress and has to go. The little things that accumulate into big things.
When I think I know something is wrong, or think I feel someone’s behavior is wrong, I try to figure out why I feel that way. Yet sometimes I can’t figure out how to make it better. It should be simple but I just can’t change it or have to get a distance from it.
A consistent drip with just enough breaks in between to justify accepting it. You start adding in routines to your day to prepare yourself for the battleground. You know, some mediation and self-affirmations like our favorite of all time, Stuart.
Then the contortion or compression of reshaping your mind into submission begins. The difference of opinion and influence all in one package. Basically when what you think “do the right thing” means, versus what someone else’s definition of it is, and you disagree at the very depth of your core but feel helpless in its wake.
Sometimes I feel I don’t have the right debate, impact, public exposure, social proof or trust to make a positive change. I guess I sweat the small stuff.
I remind myself that no one is dying or anything. It’s just a matter of mentally rejecting submission while physically doing it. Accepting it just is what it is, I suppose.
Part 2: What if we could solve first world problems, get over ourselves and evolve to fix third world problems?
A practically daily version of this generalized conversation occurs to me about all types of realities I witness all over and frankly, too often.
I thought about writing this because I am learning many readers’ have connected with me to contribute their stories to validate things. I’m seeing a trend with this, I’ve been thinking it through a lot, so I’m documenting it to see if I am right, basically in a nutshell without any formal education, of course….
Disheartening responses I hear from sharing include, “Why do you care?”
“Just let it go. You can’t change it anyway. Might as well accept it.”
“You’ve got X, Y and Z going for you and shouldn’t have anything to complain about.”
“Why do you have to talk so much about this stuff. It’s not like anyone is going to die.”
“It’s just a job. Who cares.”
“Whah, first world problems.”
Still hurts my mind. Easy fixes if everyone saw it that way.
All I think is, here I am internally battling my strong self privately in my mind who is now Jiminy Cricket telling me to “stay out of it and just be quiet, it’s not your business”.
Meanwhile, the media is jack whacked, ethics are questionable and unpredictable, falsifying actual feelings or FAF, which is my PG version of that acronym in case my parents read this.
I’ve been mentally treadmilling the natural wiring of my brain to refrain from opening my mouth 6 out of 10 times while it causes awkward periods of silence by those conditioned to know I’ve probably got something to say. Swallowing and archiving in my exploding draft box of things I wish I would’ve said…but didn’t file.
It’s not a big deal though, I don’t think anyway. They’re all small. I still gotta get out the bigger deal ones. Like this one.
Cause I’m filing away all the sand in my mind, metaphorically the jar – leaving no room for the rocks.
What if Top Performers in work, life and legacy never reach their destined potential because of conditioning into acceptance at some, if not all, points of their formative lives?
Who could still be saved with unity in accountability and transparency?
The battered wife? The baby mama drama feign? The sweet heavyset lady alone in the back corner? The chick in the alley looking for a score? The amazing, hilarious gal in client services who took her boyfriend back, again? The people who ignore a needed, friendly intervention of strangers in public? The judgmental and ignorant who have yet to be educated on buyable facts they can rationalize to? What conditioning kept them going back, accepting their fate as the norm?
<Exhale from that run-on reading> Whew. Extreme examples to show believing your worth can get skewed if you’re not careful.
No sailboat for them.
Maybe I am intense. Maybe I do indeed need that chill pill.
I have so many ideas. I need to share ideas until someone gives me a new perspective worth buying in to so I can find peace and move on to the next idea.
Part 3: You’ve been told too many times to keep going.
There are so many things we can make better in our world. If I only live within the geo-fence footprint of my life, am I part of the problem? Am I no better? Or Am I simply emotional and dismissable?
I’m here to find out. Hey, writing out these thoughts and throwing them out there is moving in the right direction. The reviews are too conflicting.
Like the ornery grandma who’s either adored or embarrassing hidden.
I don’t think I am always right and I don’t think I am always complaining. I refuse to conform to that. I always disclaim that someone can tell me I am wrong and back up why. That’s how I’ve learned my entire life. Until I can get a better idea presented to me, I think mine is worth trying if the opportunity to make something better outweighs the risk of being wrong.
What’s wrong with that? Seems that with the right audiences, I can help someone figure out something that can work for their situation. Like a catalyst to something else.
What is my purpose? Why do I care?
If I complain about a current behavior pattern that could be addressed for more positive outcomes, I don’t bring it up until I have a solution or two to go with it.
Sure, I’d like an approval to move it forward – whether it be a letter to a congressman, time to create written stories like this, or reach out to strangers who have the authority to consider what I’m suggesting and doing it. However, It’s 10X better when I know its’ been vetted, questioned, tested, and debated until it’s whittled down to the best, simplest solution.
Guess what? That takes a lot of talking. I guess I’m a talker. So I have to remind myself that most people don’t care.
But honestly, I don’t talk to hear my own voice. I actually do not care for my voice. That’s why I used to have a ‘phone voice’ and I hate that about myself. Probably why I haven’t published any of my podcast stories yet. Ugh.
At what point in our lives do we submit and how often over that time period seems to be key in how hard it is to break the spell and truly be free while still being conservatively safe. Align your inside with your outside without fear.
My point is even though “it’s not like anyone is going to die or anything”, sometimes I think maybe we are. Well, yes, we are.
We’re getting a day closer to that day every single day we condition ourselves to bend just a little bit more each day.
Part 4: Convince me otherwise. Please. I beg you.
I can’t stop until I am given a logical, justifiable reason something is supposed to be the way it is when it affects a majority of some salvageable, necessary kind of good.
If you agree or disagree with my storytelling vantage points I hope you tell me why and validate yours. There’s nothing wrong with it and if done correctly, what if we both walk away with deeper understanding of other perspectives. Like adding another person to my Rolodex to consider when embracing the seriousness of exposing my vulnerabilities to an open audience of anyone.
Since stereotypes such as skin tone, gender, predominant family DNA features, parental guidance and values can’t help you determine who is going to go cray on me with venomous aggression or tell me how my stories are valued and needed in the world.
Who knows. At least I am not irritating anyone who doesn’t want to talk about this stuff.
Thanks for reading,
Heather
PS just throwing it out there rant:
If you agree with me, you could respond with “me too” but its definition is not the same anymore. It has a new meaning that is more popular than the one we’ve had for more than 40 years prior. Now you can say,
“Same.”
“Me also” My preferred new fave.
“I agree with that and concur I feel relevant feelings to yours.”
I get the argument, ladies. It’s the classic business 101 – excellent intentions, poor execution. Hey, it took off. It was marketed well. So was Charlie’s Angels. We’ll see how the upcoming Black Widow does at the box office.
I don’t see any assistance with these scenarios above, from women in conditioned submission or not supporting girl power movies that aren’t real.
I see it only creating lynch mobs and venomous aggression of an all fire command of anything suspicious. Not to mention the loss of the usage of the most common phrase, “me too”.
What if instead, to fit your ‘ain’t backing down’ evaluation process could’ve been more effective if it were “UncoveringAHoles” or “TrueDicks” because then we could call out all genders who are truly acting bad versus forcing people into the wrong categories. It’s not fair to the good guys and the mean girls.
Convince me that it’s helped us stay safe and change behavior for the better.
