Today I drove to an appt that’s on the other side of the closest city. So it’s a clip but I enjoy her keeping it real with me about working harder on getting healthy.
I’ve plateaued recently and have really felt like writing for myself and for work and since I only have so much evening time, I recently began blowing off physical activity for more screen time. Ugh.
She gave me the kick in the butt I needed. In my written plan of numbers, she walks me thru it and says-
“Ok, let’s review. One. Count calories again and get back to 1100..” she hesitates. Looks me in the eye and compromises with herself, “ok make it 1250. I’ll meet you in the middle. Two. You need to quit beer. Haven’t you heard about Crystal Light and vodka? Do that but count them as calories. Oh- and three, you need to step it up and get 150 min of cardio a week. I mean, you’re doing good with gaining muscle but you could gain more. It’ll help you burn faster. Keep eating the right foods. That’s good. Call me in two months and tell me where you’re at. Come in if you need to. You’ve got this.”
ahhhhhhhhhh. Thanks, girl. I needed that.
Meanwhile, I had made three potentially bad decisions prior to leaving. Talk about close call but all wind up a good ending.
- I didn’t take a phone charger. It was at 89% when I left home.
- I drove our son’s first car instead of getting my sweet Pacifica out of the garage and driving it. Mark told me to. He’s right. It’s A badass ride. Putting baby in the corner. That’s what I did.
I don’t mind zipping around in the cute whittle like green Ford Fiesta we decided to name Lambo in homage to the little rental car we had on vacation Last summer with the BFFs that we called that in short for Lamborghini 4 cylinders. When we found this little guy who chucks along at 3500 RPMs just to keep up with 70 mph and its odometer is 5 mph off (thanks solar police radar thing on wheels every day.)
Plus it’s a 5 speed so there’s a nostalgia that comes with it while shifting and zipping around with Color Me Badd on the FM dial.
I do it all for love 🎶 Plus with an adapter and audio cable, I can plug my phone into the speakers and listen to podcasts. It’s so relaxing. So I didn’t switch them out and drove it across the open interstate and Lots of semis. It was ok.
- Lambo only had slightly under half a tank of gas. Gets 40 mph though. Who knows? I haven’t made this trip with it yet. I pass plenty of places along the way so I can always stop.
Not anywhere- some places are sketch at best but there are just as many good, well lit and clean places along the way.
Speaking of sketch, the opposite other side of this bigger city isn’t anywhere I’d care to move to. There are nice areas, don’t get me wrong, it just feels sad. Like, when I’m driving through this one certain 10-15 mile stretch of open area and random houses sprinkled through of all walks of life, I just feel sad. Eerie. Weird. Just the vibes.
So right in the midst of that specific area, about 49 minutes from home according to Google maps, the two-lane stops. Total standstill. Semis and work trucks all around my Lambo in the midst of a workday afternoon. I text Mark and tell him I’m gonna be late about 40 minutes and 100 feet further. And the worry that something really bad must’ve happened. I sure hope not. At least to people. I saw two helicopters.
After inching about 0.9 miles, there’s a possible right turn to a side road and many are taking it. In fact, big semis coming the other direction were cutting across in front of me to go on it which I thought was weird but then realized tons of cars, trucks, SUVs were turning around and coming back to exit on it. After the fifth semi cut across so I was stuck and couldn’t move forward Or take it, I went straight.
Only to realize the 1/4 mile ahead on both sides were blocked and a line of police cars blocked them and was making us turn around and go back and take that side road.
when I got to the turn and this time a semi driver was letting me cross over to it, I signaled in hopes they would turn there And not waste more time like I just did and those five semis that cut me off realized and didn’t signal me. Strike two fellas. They were cordial though. They lifted a hand of thanks to me even though I didn’t have a choice.
like the awkward kid left holding a door open at an event like church or hockey game lets out yet no one takes his place 20 people later.
so I’m on the side road. By the second wavy twist on the narrow two lane, I come to the inching again. Now the four lanes of congestion Was shoved into two lanes feeding into 3 options of more two lane options.
I’m already more than an hour behind and moved two miles.
What is positive about this was this caused miles of bumper to bumper vehicles for nearly two hours and everyone was chill. Very chill. I didn’t even get stressed.
Mark was fine, aware and looking into what happened.
He got our one son from track and then took the other one to work. and made supper.
I was covered so going with the flow was fine.
I enjoyed podcasting several episodes of true crime stuff And then some candy crush and words with friends until I inched past this tucked away property in the heart of my creepsville vibes and my battery life was 47% with no charger.
I wish audio cables charged. Darn it. Conservation time.
Oh and my gas. It was at an 1/8 of a tank and running in neutral, 1st and occasionally 2nd gear and I should’ve been home and eaten supper by now.
I gotta find a gas station so hopefully these back roads lead me to something sooner than later.
Nope. It was three miles of backroad and twice I hit clusters of village and once even a school but no gas station and I topped out at 4 miles an hour once the whole time.
Not to mention I was flexing my calves between clutch and gas to move a few feet at a time the whole time and oddly my knees are killing me more than my calves.
I don’t have any crystal light Doc. But I’ll need something by the time I get home. Ha!
Here’s one point Im kinda not proud of myself for. I get through it all and dump back out onto the part of the Road to average congested traffic for 6 pm on the freeway. First exit I find with gas I’m on it. My gas light comes on. What a miracle.
I decide when I see its Turkey Hill that not only am I gassing up, I’m running Lambo thru the car wash and going inside for water and a snack. If reasonable, I’ll buy a lighter converter and charger for my phone. The GPS really did a number on my battery now at 29% and still 45 min to home. Luckily, I didn’t have anything to drink in six hours and that’s a blessing too because not once did I have to pee.
Several times I realized this because there was no where to go.
See- it could be worse. Plus who knows why the whole highway, both sides, near the gambling track and strip bar was closed. I’m in back road serial Prisoner style roads
So I pull into A Turkey Hill as soon as the traffic breaks. Coast in to the pump and turn off Lambo and before I unlock the door there’s a punk kid on the median between the pumps. Making eye contact with me.
I see his lips moving like he’s talking to me.
I turn the car back on and then take the brake off and crack the window and say. “What?”
he starts coming closer and repeats himself, “Can I ask you something?”
seriously Clark? “what?” I ask. Now clearly annoyed.
“So, like, me and my friends are homeless and we’re living in a car and he points at an older, dirty burgundy Impala directly in front of me and a couple of heads Moving around in the backseat.
there’s more cars filling up across our lanes too, so if I gotta bail Fast I gotta flip it in Reverse and back out towards the store front and deal with pedestrians and crap. UGH!!!!!
Douche. Why are you doing this.
He continues. “I just wondered If you could get us some food or cash…” he starts to lose confidence, back and away by my facial expression and then I go,
“Seriously. Not good timing dude. The past couple hours have really been a thing.”
he tries to back and and apologize but I don’t give him the chance. I sit in my car with windows up and locked. Pissed. Not doing anything because I’m weighing out my situation. I’ve got time.
if worse case, he’s actually a sociopath and I done triggered his other personality to Decepticon my Bumblebee, I’ll back out and head up the road. The exit had a Speedway less than a mile the other way. I can make it.
Then I got mad at myself because I didn’t have any money anyway. Just plastic. And that would mean one on one time to help him and clearly, he was not authentic to me. He was a total drag to my happy life vibe and it pissed me off.
Forget about me just hearing podcasts about new technology that can detect a pinhead of DNA that could be decades old as long as it still exists and I’m thinking I should call the company and ask them to stop on by The plastic tub grave yard breaking bad Winnebago in the woods by the Keep Out signs place and you know, just for shizzes and giggles, test the device. I wrote down the address. Just saying.
no. I was high on life. Two hours of weirdness that only M Nigjt Shamalahanana could dream of are happening and I was so chill about it until now.
Dude. You’re a hippie at best. Maybe you’re fighting the man and you know, crashing with your homies in the car and relying on public WiFi to communicate with your Apple X since iMessage and Facebook still work.
your GoFundMe page really took off Now that the new camera lens frames in the missing wheel cap on the Impala tiny house.
I wasn’t mad because I was solicited for help. You can tell when it’s legit. And I will totally do it. No questions asked.
I supposed a more well practiced Christian May remind me that you don’t judge. That’s His job. Yours is to facilitate His love and give it away. Like the George Effie Straight song.
No. He wasn’t believable and hit an instant nerve with me. I haven’t figured it out yet other than that he wasn’t believable and felt lazy. My first response I didn’t say was, “I know places like This are hiring. Go inside And get an application. Seriously.
a tanker caught on fire today. It shut down a very large commuter vein of traffic and everyone calmly handled it and I skated into a gas station just in time, didn’t have to pee, found a new crime scene, appreciated not being dead or in a crash, reconfirmed my awesome husband and kids who appreciated me getting home safe and healthier and spent a lot of good time with myself.
and I hope if any angsty weirdos who Don’t realize a 40+ year old chick in a dirty, 2011 line green Fiesta wearing black harley sweatshirt, hair bun and clearly annoyed with you – you’re problem isn’t that your homeless with your homies- it’s that you can’t use enough common sense to figure out who to hit up for awkward favors.
so I decided to call my daughter, enjoy conversations with her from backing out and leaving and driving to the speedway all the way around the city to pulling in to the driveway at home and only 8% battery.
Such a coasted day of blessings.
Thanks for reading!