Skin Theory

By January 17, 2019 Food for thought

So I have a theory. I have no educational training or formal experience to back it up. Just my story to convince someone out there that does to check it out if you think it’s plausible. Think of all the new pills you can make!

I think that moles after the age of 38 are actually the diarrhea of the skin.

You’lll recognize yours by the cute little mole on her shoulder.

Hear me out. Here’s my attempt at rational science-ishness and personal experiences to attempt at validating my theory.

Similar to all the other organs you have, you know, let’s pick your stomach* – which is a linchpin for a successful digestive system. But every part of the system is, I think? Intestines, esophagus, yeah you need those.

Skin, on the other hand, is part of integumentary system. Want to know what the other parts are that make of the system? Hair, scales, feathers, hooves, and nails. So the skin is basically the largest organ of your body and has seven layers of badass that are a big deal. The rest of that stuff? Most of us spend thousands a year removing or beautifying.

So what do you grow up hearing your whole life? “Better put sunscreen on” and “Moles mean too much sun”

Ok, I bought that/ and blamed that. But why over the past few years have I noticed what seemingly all these odd shaped thin light things slowly darkening look nuts. It’s all contained in one area, probably 1/12 of my organ. And …

It’s where the sun don’t shine. Under my shoulder where it’s hard to reach. So what’s that about?

Theory 1.2

It’s my skin trying to blow out all the chemicals I use daily to make my skin softer, firmer, exfoliated, wrinkle-free and perfumed. That area under the shoulder blade is so hard to reach that you need a tool. Yet that’s where, all the sudden, when things start changing with my skin…seriously, what other “gen Xer” out there has recently gotten a weird allergy out of nowhere and it affect your skin in some way?

So maybe it’s looking for a natural skin area currently unharmed to excrete the poo it doesn’t know what to do with and mix it in with unexfoliated skin.

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. “But Heather… I have those on my face. They started light and keep getting darker but they’re barely raised and everyone has them.

Yes, but here’s how that supports my theory 1.2 ladies and gents. Those are not “moles” those are sunspots. And I bet it’s because that’s where the sunblock was starting to thin out after a few hours before you should’ve reapplied and your skin was like, we found areas to spew the goo and bubble it out of our layers. Yuck. What else do you do with that?

Did you know there are two kinds of sunscreens? There’s the one made from Zinc Oxide, and the massive brands of others, with that examommaleggajumbo stuff.

According to Holistic Health (And anywhere you look or google – it’s not a secret. I just had no idea.  2/3 of all sunscreens have the bad stuff in them. I’ve tried organic stuff and it’s awful and doesn’t go in…but I have, I’ll get to that in a minute.

Around the same time I started finding these absurd “mole” but in my mind, Any time I was out in the sun (As much as humanly possible before the weather turns to stoopid again) I would notice I was slightly getting them so I started making sure I wore sunscreen and I would buy the big four packs that are impossible to rip out of the tight cardboard packaging at Costco. So those are good, right?

Man it burned to apply it. Like I would fan my face to try and make it not burn until I finally forced it into submission, like that last bite of Japanese Steakhouse when my digestive system was already warning me that it was pissed off.

I knew the other kind didn’t burn, but the white zinc was hard to get to rub in and you were like Casper face in your bronze mecca Mexico trip phase. You have to wear it there. There is no way to avoid it. So I told my skin to shut up and accept the burn to use the easier to apply kind. You know, with chemicals. Coppertone and whatnot.

Over and over again. But it was ok, because in the evening I would take a shower and scrub more chemicals into it to wash it all out.

Spending time in Ohio and only going south to Tennessee, I decided to not use any bad sunscreen all last summer to see what happened. If I did use any, it was zinc. But you know how you know the sun is getting a little too hot? I’d put it on then. But I tanned nicely I thought. But as my face tanned, those early signs of sunspots? Got darker. My forehead looked like one of those Physician’s Formula loose foundations looked.

If you are suffering this problem, don’t worry. Don’t accept it. Call your regular doctor or if you got the miracle insurance plan or cold hard cash, call a dermatologist or get a referral to one.

Ask them if you can get Triluma. I have B- insurance but it’s just way stooped and not my employer’s fault. I feel for them. It’s the world we live in.

For now.

It was considered “cosmetic” and denied so I had to pay $170. But I’d do it again. Doctor visits and effort was about $250 and they are gone. But if my theory is correct, Tri-luma should be like the PeptoBismal of your skin’s face and in a tough to open cardboard sleeve at Costco.

I’m an idiot, as I am writing this I realize I should use that on my low back area that I now scrub profusely with exfoliator brushes and chemical free soaps and they’re almost gone too. No skin damaged in the process.

I don’t think either place were “moles”. They were skin. I’ve been to the dermatologist. I’ve been told they’re nothing to worry about. Crazy shapes but, whatever. It’s because they aren’t moles I bet.

So about 11 months ago, well … actually 18 months. It was diagnosed 11 months ago. I have Dermagraphism and I am sick of it.

I was allowing myself to get very worked up a lot about issues I thought I could change and can not and I was taking on way too much in different circles of my life, so I have no doubt that getting that plus getting an increase in my blood pressure told me that…

My skin system and my neurological system got together and said, let’s wake this dumbass up and give her hives that force her to figure out while she’s always dealing with stuff where the sun don’t shine and treat us better.

Message heard.

Here’s another experience to explain further plause Theories 1 and 1.2

My daughter gets me a $50 Brandless gift card. I go on there, and wasn’t sure I’d hit that mark at first. But then I got into certain foods and hygiene stuff and I’ve tried before to buy “organic” whether it be in a grocery store or superstore if it says it is, I believe it. It’s been expensive and not that good.

The prices were so cheap and she had been so gracious to give me that much, I decided to get their whole line of toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, conditioner, skin scream and soap.

All kinds of foods too, and they’re good.

I also ordered a jar of their virgin coconut oil in a smaller plastic jar because my sister-in-law Ty told me last November that she uses that for everything – lotion, lip balm, feet, kids and cooking. But she keeps the kitchen one and the bathroom ones separate.

So I ordered one of those too. I already had just gotten one at Kroger, the simple truth kind to cook with. It works great, but it’s a little gooeyer than the one I got from Brandless.

Anyway, I’ve been using it all and quit using my fancy purple shampoos and Bath and Body soaps (I do love my natural spa soap bars from TJ Maxx though!). No more perfume lotions. Only the Brandless stuff.

I do break for Moroccan oil lite on my hair though, but use less than I used to. It’s just good stuff. I’ve been using that coconut oil –just a dime size lump – in my hair as serum too.

Wow. Not only does my skin feel soft and my hair smoother, my hives have improved. Not perfect, but I’ve had work days that I didn’t take my afternoon meds because I didn’t need to.

It was having a talk about girl illness stories the other night with my niece Aubree and I feel like she triggered an epiphany in me that made me write this blog to talk about it.

I really feel like the hype has truth to it. Now, I’m not saying I won’t enjoy my favorite Hot wings and dumpster tots with a few beers and friends at Roosters, but I am going to follow my friend Tiff’s “Naturally Slim” plan that she was forced to do because she flunked our work test. Which is weird, she’s smaller than me. But anyway, she has done awesome and I am going to do it. Down three pounds my first week and it wasn’t hard, just education.

And Aubree made me see that Brandless and Naturally Slim made my systems happier and I’m cleaning up the diarrhea on my face and back while losing weight. Take that mutha truckers.

I was hoping that maybe some Brandless or Tri-luma folks will read this and be like, let’s fund the research to see if she’s right. And give her a cut, of course.

Thanks for reading the story 🙂



*You can read this and pick another organ and run the scenario through, it should still work

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