Things the mean girl in my head says to me:
Why do I spend all this free time on building web posts and podcasts? I’m already sitting for my job as it is and now I sit in the same position even longer to do it.
I bet people think you’re crazy for doing it too and are tired of you talking about it.
Me, in response to my own worst critic to nicely shut up:
Why do I write and say things in a permanent record format? ie podcasts and public website entries of thoughts, ideas and beliefs?
Because when is the last time they can say they sat alone with their own beliefs and original thoughts out loud, documented for anyone to read and judge you for?
It’s intimidating to hit the publish button with shark-infested waters of social judgment and society’s acceptance. It’s not for everyone. Yet it’s something I am drawn to.
I write and I podcast. I’m documenting who I am and why I am it and how I evolve along the way because I don’t care if I have one reader or one million, I do this to let my family, future family, and the interested world know what I’ve learned along the way that is applicable to you.
One day, when I die and find out what really happens next, I hope those on earth who loved me appreciate all this endless writing I leave behind. Maybe my kids will get creative and make a book of 365 daily Grandma Heather-isms.
This is my ‘why’. It is mine and mine alone.
I’ve decided that regardless of what type of civilization we end up becoming…it’s a coin toss at this point between the worst decision making skills for genocide I’ve ever seen and watched slowly ticking us all off faster than we used to notice…I’m writing down how I feel and why I feel it, knowing I could get cancelled or targeted.
I find it a release in a world where no one would rather listen, or have deeper conversations about who we are and why we are. I’ve always written, journaled or expressed my thoughts in a permanent way intermittently along the road. *Note to self – don’t forget to get those floppy disks converted someday. When you get around to meeting the old you and where you were on the thought train of experience.
Regardless of random topics that cover random experiences being at the mid way point of this one time ride called life, I do it because I put a lot of thought into why and how I form my own opinions.
I want to be sure before I form one, and when I feel rather confident I have a solid notion, theory, point or wisdom testimonial – I feel a strong desire to share it. But similar to Mrs. Maizel, she found dinner parties and cocktails weren’t the right times for that sort of jibber jabber.
I suppose it would be rather boring really. There are lots of groups and conversation opportunities but most of the time I realize I can be rather too deep in the social zone of face-to-face jibber jabber.
Sports. Weather. Fashion. Career. Home Improvement. Family. Local hearsay. News at 11.
Got it. I can live with that. *Note to self: You know some of that stuff too, go with it. No one relates to talking about ‘blogs’. That’s ok.
If my unknown great-grandchildren ever get to know me and the world we lived in at that time, it will be by reading and listening to my words. The ones I said aloud on permanent record, which could possibly be risky if we lose our freedom of speech, which is currently partially already happened.
I love you all so much and want you to see my truth. Seek to know your own truths. Find great love.
Thanks for reading,
Seek Truth – Your, theirs and all the stuff we’re spoonfed. Amen.
Part 2 – Why I Bother, deep thoughts
What if my story becomes a validation or evidence piece into why you shaped your opinions from truthful experiences? That’s what I reference, tag and share to show what strong pieces of content influenced me into feeling my thoughts come from a kind, intentionally authentic place of love for all? Art meets business meets reasons why I think I am the way I am and how it could be used to help other people. Who knows.
I’ve felt that as I figure out what my contribution to the world is, as I pray every person seeks for themselves..I have to recognize what I can do better than many or at least some, so I can contribute value. Writing and freely sharing stories of past have given me the ability to articulate and rationalize why I think things even at the expense of vulnerability.
For instance, I know I have a purpose that is molding into me as I grow into a more confident person. It took a while. But I believe whole heartedly that this is true, yet sometimes I overshare so it’s best in words for those that seek to learn it.
I want to openly be able to say I know with this example of how you know God saved you with utmost calmness for a sheer moment to assure you, at 15, you were going to survive and make Him proud. It was a light, too. Maybe it was because I was going to have a panic attack and in an instant, it was gone. So in the dark I came out from behind the tree and said put the gun down and take me home because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me now if you pretended to come back and do what he asked so long as I got to go back home safely. I had no idea what gravel road we were on and too scared to keep running further away in those woods.
Not to make anyone awkward – but to share the proof God is real and we gotta follow that golden rule and hold others accountable to Truth.
In the short three years, I’ve been doing this, I’ve been opening and opening more and more because once it’s out there for the world to read at any time, there’s no point in not using it spoken. I’m not looking for shock value, I am looking for vulnerability for others to see in themselves to begin the road to self-forgiveness and joy.
I’ve noticed the posts I have and the bad experiences I have to dig up like bones in the backyard are needed because of the horrible future we are possibly facing by allowing this bogus division unfolding on screens is trickling into truth – and it’s not!
I’ve been in deep into analyzing what we’re fed every day have gotten darker as we get into these upside-down times of reality.
I’ll do what I have to if this is the one talent I can use
That bums me out. I’ve been driven for my purpose because it was always shown to me at random times through my childhood and I want to figure it out sooner than later. Time is of the essence. I want to help make this stop.
Hate doesn’t discriminate and everyone not extreme feels it. Maybe my words can help people see this is all smoke and mirrors and we are the best country in the world with creative, free people to find ways to fix with without making it about division and reversed hate.
Squeaky wheels have entered the entire platform of tricks. The inmates have control of the prisons and they’ll all be getting their checks, too.
Here’s one last thought for them, if they’re reading this:
God still hasn’t revealed the whole purpose, but then again I probably wasn’t listening. Too caught up in sports and cocktails I suppose. I know the last week has been a miracle for that realization. I’m quiet and aware and the best one-word analogy for it – cocooning.
I’m confirming on Easter and feel like the next three weeks need to be quiet and in deep thought. Definitely not the best decision to be around others than the best husband ever and kids that like to have discussions of deep yet higher thinking of ‘why is its’.
And I am reading and consuming way more than I am putting out content. Using the two ears in place of leaving the house.
I’m not an agoraphobic of anything. I know it’s short term. But I really need it and have had a week of it and it’s been radically positive for me and ultimately anyone around me.
The books I read this week: